Everyone knows this person. They pick up a menu and read it like a nutrition label. They say "this has 400 calories" the way other people say "this tastes good." They are not wrong. They are just exhausting.
Buying them a gift is difficult, because they have opinions about everything, including gifts. A box of chocolates will be analyzed. A restaurant gift card will be researched. You need something that cannot be counted.
We recommend a shirt that says "calories: yes." It does not list a number. It does not break down macros. It answers the only question they ever ask with a single word, and then it stops talking, which is more than they do.
Get the Calories: Yes tee.
© 2026 Sort Of Ish™. All typos intentional.